1. |
Open Book
04:18
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Cognition, emotion and behavior
No volition when distraction is my savior
On a mission but I'm lacking in my labor
Try to listen but it isn't in my nature, nature
I only hear my own thoughts
My body might be present in this home but I'm not
I've gotta tow my own lot
Can't escape my programming like I'm a robot
This is all that I've got
Everything I could ever need and it don't mean squat
Tryna move on but I'm caught
Can only blame myself for this pain that I've brought
Thought what I felt wasn't right
Left to the spot where we dealt with our pain through the night
Taming my brain out of spite
Nah, I'm too angry to make any instance look bright
Your mental fitness seems tight
Why can't I just bring myself to get with this tonight
Only reason that I spit this is to feel alright
All I'm needing is a witness to my fear and fright
Here's your opportunity to peer inside my mind
If you really wanna get to know me listen to my rhymes
Every tape that I drop is a little piece of myself
Might seem on track but I'm not, this brittle soul I was dealt
I'm so full of what I've felt
I'm so full of what I've felt
I'm so full of what I've felt
I'm so full of what I've felt
Dish what I get dealt, at least it covers up the bruises
Ditch the pain I've felt and I'll replace it with aloofness
Switch up on my pills and I'm not waking 'til the noon hits
Wish that I could rest in peace but I don't wanna lose this
Just pieces of a whole life
Something don't feel right
Think I'd better hold tight
Then I'm sinking in the sofa for a whole night
Drinking in the darkness, simply searching for a bold light
Yeah right
Feeding off of poison like a mold mite
Bleeding onto pages every day just left in cold fright
Hefting hurt through stages of my being
Never hearing, never seeing
Whether clear headed or weaning I'm just tryna find some meaning
You could say I'm putting pen to paper typing on my phone
All my friends and family in my hands but I'm still here alone
It's a freedom, it's a choice to place my footsteps on my own
Never need another soul to face the aging of my bones
Not a life that I'd condone
I'm in over my head, it's time to work with my hands
Grind to meet the demands and keep on beat with my plans
Mind is set on the brand, hell I've already got fans
But still don't feel like a man, I worry
I don't have legs to even stand in the hurry
Although my vision is grand it's getting blurry
I don't think you could even understand all the fury
I'm feeling it purely
Gotta know me to cure me
If you can't heal me just lure me
Steal me away from this place prematurely
'Cause I've lived in this state too long
It's always dragging me down although it's made you strong
It's a challenge to appreciate what felt so wrong
What we can salvage is the balance
Black and white thoughts
Trapped in a tight spot
Slacking on quite a lot
Might crack but I might not
Fight back 'til my last chance
Right track with the wrong stance
My lacking is expansive
Tackling finances
I've got a lot to live for
A lot to die for
Try to give more
My mind is a bit sore
I'm rhyming to ignore
The energies in force
The lethargy fills me
I'm cleverly killing
My memory swilling
I'm generally willing
But reverie's building
I'm slenderly wilting
I'm endlessly dealing
With hell and I'm reeling
This threat is too real, I'm about to keel over
Brain's wet, I can't feel
No one's keeping me sober
Man won't bake a meal, can't even call me a loafer
I'm about to strike out so I'ma run it to Homer
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2. |
Making Progress
02:09
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I'm always making progress
No mistakes in my process
You're always tryna follow rules and I'm here living lawless
My generation's flawless
You just can't take the rawness
We raise the stakes when we make claims 'cause our ideas are polished
Ironic memes are published
You geezers call it rubbish
Squeezing triggers at your brothers and you call us hopeless
We all just lack some focus
Need to attain some closeness
Need to refrain from our indulgences and leave this whole mess
Each of us is on a journey
Reaching, always in a hurry
Preaching, points are getting blurry
Teach each other not to worry
A change isn't always good as a rest
But sleeping dogs don't know best
A change isn't always good as a rest
But sleeping dogs don't know best
A change isn't always good as a rest
But sleeping dogs don't know best
Need a fresh start for society
Breaking my heart when you lie to me
Can't seem to live how I try to be
Can't seem to live how I try to be
Wish I had the means to sail open seas
But the cost is high to do what you please
Got about enough green just to meet my needs
But the cash flow's slow, gotta find new leads
And I've gotta pay a price if I wanna provide
Work hard to play hard, gotta make up my mind
When I think too much it'll take up the time
Ain't getting paid for that, I'd better make up my mind
I ain't a snowflake, I'm upset that my whole world is fucked
Should I be opposed to feeling for my brothers that are stuck?
Am I just supposed to deal with daily trudging through the muck?
I can't work toward my dreams, it all comes down to luck
Tear trends apart from the seams, let tendencies run amok
Help friends succeed and achieve, don't trade them off for a buck
Have some trust and believe, keep on passing the puck
You might think I'm naïve, I've seen the truth and I'm struck
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3. |
Hold Back
02:36
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I've gotta hold back
My temptation is a victim of circumstance
I've gotta hold back
The way that you work has me in a trance
I've gotta hold back
Liberation is within my reach, I can feel it
I've gotta hold back
Litigation won't deter my speech, best believe it
I've gotta hold back
Talking 'bout a bad idea, I'll conceive it
I've gotta hold back
Lock it out and toss the key, I'll retrieve it
I've gotta hold back
Chasing after power, when I find it then I leave it
I've gotta hold back
Wasting hour after hour 'til I wanna scream "I quit"
I'm just tryna do everything every day
All the time in every way, it doesn't leave me time to play
Got my engine running, running 'til it's gone astray
Sun and moon don't rise today
All this darkness I create
God, don't start this breakaway
Don't think I can handle it
Not since I was branded with this label I was stranded with
Unable to expand my mind
Stable enough to maintain my crimes
Toe the line and break my spine
Wait 'til I obtain what's mine
Reparations, write a rhyme
All that I can offer
Preparations, pressed on time
Pretending I was stronger
Expecting that I'll see a sign, I'll wait a little longer
Projecting all that's in my mind, defend what little honor I have left
I'm a goner like the rest
More myself when I'm possessed
Fight or fly when I get stressed
All these thoughts left unexpressed
All this tension in my chest
Never mentioned, never guessed
After thinking I'd progressed
I'm compelled to be obsessed
I was thrice expelled from society
Thought twice when I learned you'd lie to me
Never knew that you were a spy to be
It wasn't true when you said you'd die for me
But now that chapter's over
Time's come to capture closure
Your gimmick's getting older
I limit my exposure
I'm not a poser, I just don't know what to say
Tell you what you want to hear, it seems the safest way
Working hard for near a year, rewards have a delay
Finally getting something for the price I had to pay
Wait, not quite perfect
Wishing I could live forever, tryna dodge impermanence
Listing all the things I never did just 'cause of nervousness
Trapped inside my chrysalis, aching for metamorphosis
I know that I've been forcing this, I just can't keep my mind on nothing else
Need the time to pass a little slower 'til I find good health
Appreciate support but I need to apply a little stealth
Incorporate a little love, only this time for myself
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4. |
Reason With Rhyme
04:16
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Everything is shades of gray
Like clouds in my mind
Sure my feelings fade today
But I've got so much time
Start to let myself decay
Just to pay for my crimes
There must be another way
Than to reason with rhyme
You're tearing me back and forth
Back and forth
You're tearing me back and forth
Back and forth
You're tearing me
You're tearing me
Don't know what to do with my days
Hate that I'm so set in my ways
They're telling me that it's just a phase
But I know better
Yeah I know better
They're telling me Relic, man why you so hectic
I'm well into twenties and still can't direct it
My pleasure is plenty, can't measure the cost
Never too many when logic is lost
Prodigal prodigy, give me some props
Tragedy, comedy, too bad it's all on me
Spirit is damned and man, that's the policy
Lyrics got family calling the cops
Honestly people can't handle my chops
Modestly reaping and sowing the crops
All of our actions have repercussions
You're blushing and crushing, I start and I stop
My heart is a rock
Starting to soften, I laugh when you talk
No part of me's bluffing, I crave your discussion
You're brave and I'm hushing, myself at a loss
What have I got to offer
Naught in my coffer, can't spot you a dollar
Not much of a gentleman caller
There's a fine line between lover and stalker
I'm already a rocker
Keeping it steady but no path to prosper
Talented starving author
Gallant so I plan to meet her and lock her
Transcalent, listener, not a talker
I'ma call her and block her
Becoming a baller but still getting stuffed in the locker
It's a shocker man
Watching the clock or I lose too much time
Walking the block, been abused, take what's mine
A fly on the wall just trying to ball
Must lie to 'em all when I come to bust rhymes
You're tearing me back and forth
Back and forth
You're tearing me back and forth
Back and forth
You're tearing me
You're tearing me
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5. |
God's Gift
03:19
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Staring at the wall, wishing I was laughing
Thinking 'bout my people and my projects and my passions
Really can't be evil if I don't make any actions
I'm a recluse in my studio, make records and retractions
I'm smoking my herb, making my inspections
Just thinking 'bout her when I try to find direction
I'm writing these words, staring down my own reflection
My voice is unheard when I try to make connections
I can't help it, I'm trying to grow
Don't tell me, I already know
You've felt me from the head to the toe
Pouring out my soul while I'm smoking the drow
All these ups and downs, I stop and I go
Smile then a frown, waiting for tomorrow
Looking like a clown when I'm up at the show
If only you could know all of the weight that I tow
Living my life in full stereo
Dealing with strife, tryna keep the tempo
Keeping it light, I lick and I roll
Cutting my salvation with a lil tobacco
Giving demonstrations behind the back row
In smaller situations I find that I glow
Feeling my elation when you're hearing me flow
Forgetting my abrasions when I suck and I blow
Why do I love you?
Why do I hate you?
Why do I feel the deep need to create you?
Don't let the stealing and dealing frustrate you
Release your labors and let vapors straight through
Talk to your neighbors, they might be in on it too
Thousands of flavors, it's satisfying as food
Maybe that's why I don't give my body its due
Wasting away until I can't call myself Drew
I'm just tryna take a daily vacation
Despite the stakes I wanna reach relaxation
How come my access gotta lean on legislation?
I work for my money, spend it all on recreation
The only reason that they call it abuse is they can't comprehend the use
Rant and judge and bend the truth
The only seasons I can't stand to be clean are the summers when its green
And the winters in between
I'm admitting that my only excuse is I don't wanna tie the noose
I'm just tryna hang loose
I'm committing to avoid the machine
Spread joy on the scene
Now that I found my vaccine
I shouldn't have to spend my last dime on my medicine
I wouldn't feel the need to pass time if it weren't for him
Who said that it should be a crime to enjoy a sin?
I took it from a pastime to employment
A pastime to employment
Not I gotta write a fast rhyme to enjoy this
How I take it to the last line to avoid shit
Lazy wasting time with cracked eyes, take a joint hit
Hazy remembering fat thighs but it's pointless
Blazing it up in my pad, thai sticks in orbit
Raising my cup to the sad lies, heart's so boarded
"Keep to yourself, he's a mad guy, art's so morbid"
Floating on the ocean while I'm smoking locomotion
Toke until I'm broke and all my thoughts unspoken
Is it a blessing or a curse, haven't decided yet
I guess I'll leave it up to you, go 'head and place a bet
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6. |
Lesson Learned
04:39
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I want you
But I don't know what you are
All these traits that I used to hate
When I see you flaunt them it sets me straight
I was raised to see all the worst in me
I love you 'cause you show how evil I could be
I'll let you come to me
Who am I kidding
See what you wanna see
Don't know if I'm ready
Ain't no blood running through these veins
I work on fumes of hope and fear
Trudge through mud just to reach more pain
And nurse my wounds with a smoke and beer
Who am I to reach you?
I deserve to be alone
The only thing that I can teach you
Is to never share your throne
No one wants to learn that lesson
So I'll hold it on my own
No one wants to learn that lesson
I need you to take it down a notch
Shut your mouth, you're tryna stick around a lot
Keeping on you're gonna put me in the ground I thought
Leave it to yourself and let me make a sound or not
You're playing games
Come and seek me out until we're taking names
Wanna speak until the sun comes up in flames
Gonna leave if you don't let me take the reigns
Funny that I'm placing blame on a soul that I can't tame
I spend all of my days just waiting
Can't pretend that I'm not caught in a haze of baiting
On the mend but haven't brought on a way of changing
Better end when the means are of my creation taken verbatim
I'm only faking
Ain't no truth in this
I lose my shit
Don't be mistaken
Ain't no proving that I'm over it
I call it quits
I'm frustrated by the limitations
Captivated by the cycles and the ruminations
I hate it that the tidal waves are causing complications
Waiting 'til the right girl comes along and saves me from my patience
Blatantly reciting all the sorrow and the fluctuations
Constantly contriving all the impossible expectations
Can't seem to find my way
So I want you to need a mind to save
Never flaunt when I hate how I behave
Severed thoughts in a rage when I leave the stage, picking up the page
It's too easy making enemies in this town
Would you believe me if I told you that I'd stick around?
Couldn't conceive any reason that you'd be leaving
It's the season of treason and I'm bereaving, just can't live down
All that there's left to do is spit now
All I can say is I'ma stay to lay this shit down
All that I pray I pave a way for you to get down
Cast away the disarray and pass the tray
I'm acting like a lit clown
I think you're gonna want me just until you get to know me better
It's always sunny when your honey doesn't show the weather
It's funny running with someone tryna control me
Whether or not I'm a person or a fucking robot
Been ducking a whole lot
Stuck in the same old spot
Shaming my name, faux pas
Struck with the blame, oh God
Hate on me, well I hope not
Bait on sea, now I'm so caught
Plate's empty, had one shot
Now I'm in deep, need a mascot
Reminds me of times when we spoke and fought
How me smoked and coughed
Now we're broken off
Find I'm trapped in a fast thought
Mind unraveled the last knot
I'm aching over this
You can't see me
But my fingers won't make fists
'Cause I'm dreaming
We thought we knew the way
But it's a foolish wish
All the love I feel today
Could never cure this itch
I'll bet you never knew
That it would come to this
I know I didn't
I know I didn't
I know I didn't
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7. |
Goals
02:34
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I don't know you
You never do what I expect
Feel tense and at ease when I'm next to you
Every day I'm tryna keep the devil off my back
But every day there's another devil on its way
Sometimes I feel like there's no escape
What else can I do?
But light one up?
Yeah right, you think that I would show my face tonight?
After everything I've done today to keep the pressure light
'Cause every time I take a bite somebody's gotta bite back
I'm just tryna keep myself alone and on the right track
Finally make a habit pushing myself on the bike path
Grinding through the day until the darkness brings the light back
Yeah, I'm gonna reach my goals
But I'm gonna take a while
I've been coasting a long time
Thankfully there's no such thing as waste
Just gotta take some space
The last thing we learn in life is who we are
And to someone I'm a star
Take it, take it, take it right back
To the point when you knew
What it meant to be you
In this world without truth
Take it right back
To the moment in your youth
When you first stepped in the booth
And found it was so soothing
I blame myself for the sleep I've been losing
I tame my thoughts with the smoking and boozing
Got a knot in my stomach though I'm cruising
There's a lot of loneliness in this illusion
I've always thought that my presence was an intrusion
And now I'm caught tryna pay my penance of seclusion
Stranded in a cycle of depression and delusion
Admitting that I've got a couple blessings I'm abusing
Days like these ain't no time to pick and choose
And I'm trying to see through but can't believe how deep this ruse is
I'm on a quest to venture deep inside my mind
Only answer that I find is that I'm just a confused kid
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8. |
Spending Time on Nothing
03:26
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I've got so much to do
Priorities askew
Comatose, I can't come to
I love wasting my time
I'm rarely in the zone
My hopes, my dreams unknown
Old feelings overblown
Print my pain in a rhyme
Walking home from work
Been talking like a hippie but I dodge the dirt
Get to rocking on a trippy one man concert
Hear a knocking on the door, feel like an introvert
I've been blocking off the ones I love
They've been stalking on my status, know I'm doing rough
Getting started on their blabbering, I've had enough
Play the part of loner stoner when I take a puff
Spend my last moments of each evening searching for some peace
Defend my past, trends repeating when I nurture my own beast
I'm on blast, judgement coming from the west and from the east
Second class, I'm left longing for the most to say the least
What can I say?
Looking forward to tomorrow each and every day
Taken further from my sorrow when I start to play
Tryna triangulate my talent but it's gone astray
It's the natural way when I'm called to perform
I can't cue my capabilities when caught in the storm
Won't eschew my new tranquility though it leaves me torn
Exhibiting fragility 'cause I've been reborn
I find that all I ever wanna do is get faded
But it only ever makes me feel worse the next day
Did I ask for this?
God, can I pass on this?
Nah, I'm a pacifist but I only feel relief when I'm smashing shit
I only think what I believe, never sure of it
I'm always sinking ever deeper in the sandpit
Already know it gets worse when I throw a fit
Keep it steady 'til I burst, gotta take a hit
I stay creative but you never give a fuck
Each and every day I'm working on not feeling stuck
Ever in a rut
Can't keep my mind's eye shut
I watch the time but I find that it still runs amok
It's slipping past
I'm too busy thinking fast
Tipping point has come and passed
And my good faith ain't gonna last
They wanna chastise me
But it's my last vice, see?
I try to practice what I preach and that's a drastic feat
They're all so plastic, cheap
They're all so tragically
Just walking down the street
Without a conscious beat
My heart swells when you say me name
My mind dwells when you lay down blame on me
I can't tell you we're not the same
Every time that I hurt you shame on me
Shame on me
Every time that I hurt you shame on me
Shame on me
Every time that I hurt you shame on me
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9. |
Why Didn't I Hold You?
02:55
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Why didn't I hold you?
I'm terrified of rejection
But you understand my direction
Blame my pride for my tension
This affection I can't mention
Why didn't I hold you?
Could've told you anything
I'm surrounded
I'm astounded
Can't believe in this support that I've been found with
Still bereaving over souls that I've been bound with
Oh no
I can't blame you
I know you feel shame too
Just wish that you would come through
Why didn't I hold you?
Could've told you anything
All these moods I mold to
You're the reason I wanna sing
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